Aly

I haven’t written here in so long!  So much has happened.  Eric got a 3-month contract job… is laid off again… but had an interview yesterday that looks promising… pay is much less than he had been making though.  Still hopeful.

We went to SpankFest… a 4 day camping trip that was AMAZING!  That was June 11-14 I think.  Definitely not a forgettable experience!  There’s another one in August… wish it would be convenient for us to go!  That has to be one of my favorite lifestyle events!  Walking around naked at the campsite was really nice… fucking in the sex swing hung from a tree was priceless!  I took a bath in a little plastic pool right on our site… I really enjoyed that!  We had a really nice stapling/screaming scene in the dungeon one evening!  At one point Eric made me masturbate in the open, on my camp chair… some guy wandered up and asked if he could watch!  I was shocked when Eric said he could!  I just closed my eyes and tried to pretend he wasn’t there… but I could tell by the sounds he was watching and jerking himself off!  That was scary and hot at the same time!  I had THE BEST TIME!

Now I can just hope we can somehow make the camping trip in August work… or the next possibility we have to look forward to is Kinky Kollege in October!

Well… as of today… Eric is no longer employed.  He was laid off permanently.  UGH.

My lifestyle means so much to me… my core self is Buddhist and submissive. When I live my life according to what each of these things means to me, I feel like I am truly living my authentic self. Right now, I am feeling like I am losing touch with one of these important aspects, and fortunately it has not drawn any detrimental effects because the other strong aspect is compensating.

Eric and I have resigned our positions with our local BDSM group. It was a difficult decision but I still feel we made the best decision for us. The group was not feeding my soul as it had in the past. I feel out of place within that group now and it’s odd. The group had always been a very prominent entity in my life for so many years… more than a decade! I don’t even know what has changed… me? The group? Probably both. It just feels more vanilla, less lifestyle focused, and much less serious. I once felt like I had something in common with the group members, and I just don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like what we want and what the group wants are two entirely separate things. It became the single point of stress in our lives and we had to do something about that.

We are scheduled to go to SinSations in a month… I am really really looking forward to that! I am not really feeling a loss with the local group thing… like I said, my spirituality keeps me in a very grounded and healthy place so that loss is not immediately affecting me. I miss the atmosphere of lifestylers meeting on common ground, but that loss took place a long time ago locally. A big event would do us some good though! We really could use the company of people we DO feel a connection with. We are all registered to attend, but I am still reserved and not building excitement about it yet… because of possible employment issues.

The economy is really suffering… people are suffering… and things are hitting much closer to home now. Just last week Eric and I both found out our jobs are in dire jeopardy. We will both find out by the end of this upcoming week whether we have a job or not. This wait has been really weighing on us heavily. There is nothing we can do at this point, so we have been maintaining a positive, yet realistic outlook. One day at a time. Regardless of what happens, we’ll deal with it and move forward. The focus is our family, the fact that we have such an abundance of love, we are all healthy and happy. Eric and I greatly respect and support one another… I am confident we have what it takes to get through whatever may try to block our path.

Well… it’s been a long time since I have written… so this is kinda a catch-up entry.

Life is great… so much love… most days it’s all I feel… the love all around me. I am very blessed. I traveled a difficult path to get to where I am, but it was all so worth it.

Thanksgiving with my daughter was wonderful! It’s always such a pleasure to have her here! While she was here we got her playing Everquest2 with us… she went home and I got her the game so she could play with us from there. We use voice chat while we play so it’s really been wonderful! I hear her voice almost every day! Makes the distance a bit easier. I am hoping to go visit her within a few months.

Christmas was nice. Not too much stress and the focus was really about family and love… less about the abundance of material gifts. However, Eric did get me an incredible gift! Jewel came to our new huge casino, and he got me tickets! Told me it was 5^th row and on the side! He couldn’t get himself one that close so he was just general admission, upstairs. I was THRILLED. Jewel has always been one my favorite singer/songwriters… she writes and sings with so much emotion I can just feel. To be just 5 rows back from her seemed like a dream! Well the concert wasn’t until Jan 22… so the wait was just building excitement! I was counting down the days literally! I would say something like “Hey! Guess what?! Only 22 days til Jewel!” LOL… I said it nearly every day. Finally the day came… we arrived and picked up our tickets… Eric gave me mine just as we entered… I showed the ticket and they led me to my seat. It was FRONT ROW… in the CENTER! I was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER! It was so amazing! She looked directly at me so often it felt like she was singing directly to me! Hahahaha… and when I smiled at her she winked a couple times, it was just awesome!!! I also asked her to sing my favorite song of hers and she did… Break Me… awesome song… ahhhh. Nowadays I am constantly saying things like “Remember when we went to see Jewel? It’s been one week and 2 days since we saw Jewel!” LOL

On another topic… weight loss hasn’t been going so well… I really need to get motivated to exercise more… but there’s only so much time in my day and when I get home I have been choosing to play a game with my family rather than exercise. I am going to eventually have to find some balance. But right now, playing with my family, spending that time with my daughter from afar is just a higher priority. It’s all about the health of the inner self right now… the outer self can wait LOL… much less importance.

There’s some other stuff going on right now… I want to write about that in a separate entry though because the tone is so different.

I somehow found it easier to write regularly when I wasn’t happy and content.  I am unsure what this says about me!  Things are going well, I feel like I fought to get to this place of peace… and now it just doesn’t take much work to stay here!

I am still working on the outside of myself, now that the inside is work-free.  I just purchased Wii-Fit in hopes it will help in my desire to become healthier!  My treadmill isn’t working which makes exercise difficult.  Weather has become brisk… which doesn’t seem to create a desire to go outside to walk!  An hour a day on the Wii-Fit and watching my caloric intake again… we’ll see how that goes.  Wish I could just meditate the fat off as easily as I meditated away the unhappiness!  LOL.

Thanksgiving is coming up just around the corner.  I am really looking forward to seeing my daughter and spending time with her.  Then Christmas… I am not sure how I feel about Christmas this year.  On one hand, the financial burden and commercialism drives me crazy… but I intend to focus on the joy and jolliness of it all.  I intend to downplay the negatives and up-play the positives!

I just want to see you
When you’re all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I can’t escape
I love you ’till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You don’t want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why don’t you just take me
Where I’ve never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you ’till the end

I just want to be there
When we’re caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
I’m lost for words don’t tell me
All I can say
I love you ’till the end

It bothers me that I cannot recall much of my relationship with Eric when we first met. Not when we got together… but when we truly first met.

I was married to someone else. He was married to someone else.

We met as co-workers, but somewhere along the line, more developed, things became inappropriate. My husband, at the time, was pushing for an open marriage… so I had the freedom to flirt and pursue all I wanted. I remember really feeling drawn to Eric. I don’t recall considering he was a married man. I feel incredibly guilty for this and I hope by acknowledging this, I will be spared the karmic consequences. On the other hand… the fact that we are together now, and this feeling that everything has come together so perfectly… I have to wonder if this is what was meant to be…

Back to the original topic… I wish I could recall all those initial flirtations… how that happened… when things changed from simple co-workers to a growing attraction…
I don’t know what ended that either… It’s so odd… I remember working with him, being inappropriately drawn to him, really liking him a great deal… then… no memories. I know that’s when things were really bad with Brian and I was all messed up. Maybe that’s why I don’t have those memories. I want them now though. I want to remember.

Next memory I have is a friend calling me at work and telling me the news that Eric’s wife had passed away. I originally was going to attend the funeral with this friend but for some reason I decided against it. I did get a sympathy card and wrote something inside it, with the intent of mailing it… I never did mail it… I found it while packing my things to move in with Eric… so I think it’s even around here someplace.

Then I think another year or so had passed and somehow we reconnected… maybe he emailed me at work? Maybe I emailed him? I don’t know. I recall both of us emailing back and forth a great deal… my marriage was ending at this time… I don’t even recall if we were flirting, or if we were just exchanging words as friends catching up. Oh how I want these details! Why do I want these details? I am not sure. Perhaps I really want the entire story of Us. I am feeling sooooo in love with him, everything about him… I just want to know every detail of how this wonderful blessing has come about, and it saddens me that all this information is within… and I cannot recall it. I wonder how much he remembers. I wonder if he ever thinks somehow we were meant to be together like this… or… if he has feelings of guilt and remorse because of how we began. I wonder really how bad things were when we were in the “inappropriate” phase? I know we did not ever become physically involved… but I really feel we had an extreme and obvious connection.

I am not glad his wife died. I am not glad my marriage failed miserably. I am glad however, that we have each other right now and our love for one another is growing each day. I am thankful for the spiritual connection we are blessed with… and I look forward to rolling over in the morning and looking into the eyes of my 90 year old husband someday. I just wish, at that point, I will have a better recollection of our entire story. I need to document more since my memory seems to shut-off at will.

Sunday, July 20^th through Saturday July 26^th was spent in the bright lights of LAS VEGAS!

We stayed at the MGM Grand. Really nice hotel! I was very happy with my accommodations and their casino was awesome! We had a view of the Bellagio fountains from our 13^th floor room.

The Fountain. Amazing. I watch a youtube video of it with a very special song and seriously, it brings tears to my eyes. I don’t know why the fountain and that song just fill me with so much emotion. I don’t even know what the song lyrics are because it’s in Latin! Hahahaha. I would be one of those sappy fools who breaks into uncontrollable sobbing in an Opera, huh? Anyhow… check it out for yourself… let me know if it affects you at all! Just do a search on youtube for “Con Te Partiro” and “Bellagio Fountains”… or you can try “Time to Say Goodbye” for the song name as I think that is the English title.

Just some jotted facts:

Best Casino: MGM Grand

Best Buffet: Mandalay Bay

Best Drink: Cat 5 Hurricane (Four Foot Fruity Frozen Cocktail!)

Best Late Night Value: Excaliber – $8.99 steak, potato

Most Overrated Food: Emeril’s

Tiniest Portion of Food for Large Price: Wolfgang Puck

Most Expensive Drink: Vodka Lemonade purchased at the bar in New York New York.

Price for a Hot Hooker (per the card): $150

Price for an average Hooker (per the card): $39

Things MGM Comps: Pretty much everything you charge to your room

Things MGM Does Not Comp: Rented Porn and Tips for meals.

Additional Thoughts:

Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay is really neat.

Crazy Horse Paris is a HOT show.

Drag Shows in Vegas aren’t much better than local ones in Iowa.

I could love living in desert climate. 110 degrees is quite pleasant!

There aren’t any visible clocks in Vegas, or a need for any.

A bedtime of 5-6am pacific time is the same as bedtime of 7-8am central time and that becomes apparent when you return home!

I may add to this as I recall more stuff… but in a nutshell, I cannot wait to go back! Trying to plan for it already!!! Was a wonderful place for honeymoon…

It was a day, according to the weather reports, destined for rain. Our inner sunshine must have overcome Mother Nature though! It was a beautiful day for us to legally become a family.

The ceremony was held on The American Lady yacht. It was quick and simple, yet meaningful.

The Ceremony:

Family and friends, we welcome you today to witness the marriage of Eric and Aly. You have shared and contributed to their lives in the past, and by witnessing their marriage ceremony today, Eric and Aly ask you to share in their future.

Marriage is a promise, made in the hearts of two people who love each other, which takes a lifetime to fulfill. Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships. A husband and wife are each other’s lover, teacher, listener, critic, best friend, and spiritual center.

It is into this state that Eric and Aly wish to enter.

Eric, do you take Aly to be your wife? Will you love, honor, protect and cherish her, in good times and in bad, and do you promise to stay true to her as long as you both shall live?

(Eric) I do.

Aly, do you take Eric to be your husband? Will you love, honor, cherish and obey him, in good times and in bad, and do you promise to stay true to him as long as you both shall live?

(Aly) I do.

Eric and Aly, may you pledge to each other to be loving friends and partners in marriage. To talk and to listen, to trust and appreciate one another; to respect and cherish each other’s uniqueness, and to support, comfort, and strengthen each other through life’s joys and sorrows. May you promise to share hopes, thoughts, and dreams as you build your lives together. May you promote in one another individual, spiritual and relationship growth. May your lives be ever intertwined, your love keeping you together. May you build a home that is compassionate to all, full of respect and honor for others and each other. May your home be forever filled with peace, happiness, and love.
Eric and Aly, please face each other and hold hands. Eric, as you look at Aly, repeat these words after me:

(Eric) I Eric, take you Aly, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, to love, honor, protect and cherish, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live.

Aly, as you look at Eric, repeat these words after me:

(Aly) I Aly, take you Eric, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, to love, honor, cherish and obey, to comfort and respect, in sorrow or in joy, in hardship or in plenty, so long as we both shall live.

The ring is a symbol of unity into which your two lives are now joined in an unbroken circle; in which, wherever you go, you will return to one another.

(Eric) Aly, I offer this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion. Let it always be a reminder of my vows to you.

(Aly) Eric, I offer this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion. Let it always be a reminder of my vows to you.

Eric and Aly, may your home be a haven of peace and your relationship be one of truth and understanding. May you enjoy length of days, fulfillment of hopes, and peace and content of mind as you, day by day, live and fulfill the terms of this covenant you have made with one another.

And now, for as much as you have made your vows, each to the other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving your rings, I pronounce that you are husband and wife.

Eric, you may kiss your bride!

It was simply wonderful.

After the ceremony, we had a dinner, with our family, catered by Catfish Charlies. Once the boat docked we ended up spending some time at Grandma’s before heading home to get some sleep for the honeymoon departure the following morning!